Sex with the Lights On



Why do so many people turn out the lights for sex? Why do they want to hide? I believe in sex with the lights on – both literally, because I want to see what is happening, and metaphorically, because I want this moment between us to shine.


When the lights are on, I show you I am proud of my body and I reveal my desire to see yours. We are together because we chose each other. "Look at me! I am aroused and impatient for touch. I am offering my body and my energy to you. I want to see and feel all that you will give me in return."


How different it is if we let sex happen in the dark. "Hurry, I need it now. Do not look at me, for I do not care who you are and I will not remember. Touch me briefly and let me get away from this dark place and pretend I was not there."


Keeping those metaphorical lights on with another person requires some courage. We have to accept ourselves, and be willing to let our real selves be seen. We have to invest in paying attention to the other person as well as ourselves. We have to risk being hurt.


Keeping the lights on is not easy, but the rewards are great. Whoever you have sex with, and however often, it is always worth the effort to do it well, and to make it a conscious choice.